" I will open it. Ok," I could hear my husband's voice quivering with anticipation.
"It is relevant." he said.
I can remember the tears in my eyes burning and filling my cheeks quickly. My hands were shaking and my mind was racing do fast. "Does it have the name? Does it have a name?"
"Yes." he began balling and I joined in.
This was a very emotional and joyous moment in my life. I asked him to not tell me the name. I wanted to read it myself. I had always imagined the moment I would open it and read it. It was now open and I still wanted to read it with my own eyes before hearing it with my ears.
The answer I had waited for so long. It felt as if I was dreaming. I arrived at my destination and needed to get my self gathered to go in and give a very important presentation. It took me months to schedule this and I needed to be on my game. I could not stop smiling. I wanted to tell the world. I wanted everyone to know who would listen.
The presentation went well and I am certain the state I was in had an impact. I quickly got back to my car and dialed my husband. I let him know I was on my way and I switched on the blue tooth and knew the song I was going to belt out all the way home.
I wasn't sure what the name would reveal, good or bad but I had a name waiting for me after years of closed doors and unanswered questions.
The chains were broken in my soul. I knew who made it happen. Through grace alone!
I got closer and closer and when I reached the city limits I began crying so hard. I knew the answer was near and everything for me had changed.
I entered my home and saw the envelope resting on the counter. My husband looked at me and I ran to hug him tight. After all, it was because of his caring and listening loving heart that I ever knew how to obtain this information. He asked and asked until he found a resource to help.
It felt like moments since this journey first began. My daughter would be coming home soon from school and I had received an email from her teacher with some concerns for her day. I dd not want to fall apart and I knew when I opened that envelope I would be emotionally challenged for a bit. I decided to wait. I wasn't ready. Crazy, right? After all of this, in my reach and I could not open it.
After my daughter arrived and all was well, I needed some items from the store. My husband left to run the errand and my daughter headed out with some friends. I was alone and it was time.
I slowly peeled back the envelope, pulled the paper out. I opened the folded document to see the name of the church, my adopted name at the top and as I read the details of my baptism, there it was. Her name! I fell to the ground in tears reading it over and over. It was a name I never in a million years would have though up. It was a beautiful name. It was my mother's name.
I laughed so loud and smiled so large. I was so thankful and so overwhelmed with joy. I had it! I finally had it. My identity, my story, my truth.
Now it was time to get on the computer and see what information was available. I was told she was deceased and I was told she was young when she gave birth to me. What I would find would be beyond what I had ever imagined........
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