Here we are on the day set up to recognize the many thousands of children around the world with a need that is hard for the common man to relate to. Adoption. Let's first look into the facts. We can start first by looking at the definition.
I found this as the first result on Google search:
noun
noun: adoption; plural noun: adoptions
- the action or fact of adopting or being adopted."she gave up her children for adoption"
Then I looked up Webster Merriam dictionary:
adoption
noun adop·tion \ə-ˈdäp-shən\
: the act or process of adopting a child
: the act or process of beginning to use something new or different
So far, I am seeing a theme...do you see it?
Am I just looking for it, you may ask? I do not believe so.
I am honestly doing a search as anyone can to see what the general idea is of adoption.
So, we have "gave up" her children for adoption as the first piece and we have They chose adoption because they couldn't have children of their own.
Now, we enter the emotional intelligence part. I am going to ask the person reading who is not "adopting" or has "adopted" to try and put yourself in a place you may not have thought about before.
Imagine you do not know where you came from. Imagine you look back and there is a blank spot to how you got here. Try to imagine there is not an explanation for your background, your heritage or your existence. Imagine that the reality you have, your story and understanding of your roots and your being..was blank. You couldn't claim to be...anything. You may have a snippet of a story, but really no proof of anything. Now imagine, you look around and there is no one who looks like you at all. You have no idea where your height came from, the crease in your chin, the shape of your eyes...anything. You cannot claim an ancestry. You are just here.
Imagine you have all of these people around you telling you it is ok. You are told it doesn't matter because love will make it all better. It doesn't matter where you came from and what matters is where you are now. You are fulfilling a really important need people had and it was all God's plan. It was an answer to prayers. You were "chosen".
Yet, deep in your being and soul these are not the truths you feel. Something is not adding up and you learn to silence those ideas and questions because no one else is saying them or acknowledging them. Maybe one day as you grow up you decide you really want to answer some of the questions you have. You may have kids of your own and they begin to ask you about it. Maybe you begin to accept your way into the world and have a need to understand and to find your true identity. The one that has been kept silent.
You begin to search and are told, there is no information. You are actually told it is a secret. That how you got here and why is of no concern....and you are left in the dark to wonder. Just be grateful is the tune that plays over and over. You could have been......
This is the experience of thousands of adoptees in the US who are denied their information and their birth certificates. Some may say it is not a big deal because no one can change the past. Thing is, we are not trying to change our past, we just want to understand it, heal from it and embrace it.
So, on this Adoption Day 2015, my hope to all adoptees out there who wish to find their truth is they will have it soon. I have mine finally after of years of denial that I didn't need it and awakening of how much I really did. I was given the chance to own my life and my identity and I wish the same for all.
We cannot live in this time of information and deny anyone their right to their truth. No matter what it may be, it is theirs. I would like to see resources spent on getting counsel in place to help those who are going to take this path and I want to see support and understanding for things made right after an ignorant decision made so many years ago. There are so many out there looking for each other and what stands in the way is red tape that should have never been put up in the first place.
My other hope is that we stop telling mothers they are not good enough to raise their own children. I believe an orphan is a child who lost their parents due to death or an illness. I do not believe an orphan is a child chose parent was told their is someone out there who can do it so much better. You want to help that child? Then support that family or young Mom. Be a mentor, give a helping hand and help them to succeed. Tearing children from their roots is never an answer if there are other methods available to help.
I see more open adoptions and I am thankful people understand how important it is to keep the communication open and allow the child to know their truth. I think we have a long way to go though in terms of cracking down on an industry that profits on the insecurities of young Moms.
BTW, to the church, we are not a sin. We are human beings and if your really believe in God who does not make mistakes, it would make sense to believe in a God that saw life created and would find a way for that child with their natural mother or father if they chose to. If they were given the option to raise the child with guidance, support and love from those that surround them. Please stop telling people you can do it better. It really is wrong on so many levels.
For my fellow adoptees who live with the loss of your biological family, I am deeply sorry and I extend my hand to say, I will walk with you. It is our burden to carry and together we will heal at our own time, at our own pace and in our own way. Step one is the acknowledgement that what we feel is real.
: the act or process of beginning to use something new or different
: the act or process of giving official acceptance or approval to something
Examples of ADOPTION
- They chose adoption because they couldn't have children of their own.
- children who are available for adoption
- Our lawyer has handled many adoptions.
- our adoption of local customs
- the company's adoption of new technology
- the unanimous adoption of the resolution by the Senate
So far, I am seeing a theme...do you see it?
Am I just looking for it, you may ask? I do not believe so.
I am honestly doing a search as anyone can to see what the general idea is of adoption.
So, we have "gave up" her children for adoption as the first piece and we have They chose adoption because they couldn't have children of their own.
Now, we enter the emotional intelligence part. I am going to ask the person reading who is not "adopting" or has "adopted" to try and put yourself in a place you may not have thought about before.
Imagine you do not know where you came from. Imagine you look back and there is a blank spot to how you got here. Try to imagine there is not an explanation for your background, your heritage or your existence. Imagine that the reality you have, your story and understanding of your roots and your being..was blank. You couldn't claim to be...anything. You may have a snippet of a story, but really no proof of anything. Now imagine, you look around and there is no one who looks like you at all. You have no idea where your height came from, the crease in your chin, the shape of your eyes...anything. You cannot claim an ancestry. You are just here.
Imagine you have all of these people around you telling you it is ok. You are told it doesn't matter because love will make it all better. It doesn't matter where you came from and what matters is where you are now. You are fulfilling a really important need people had and it was all God's plan. It was an answer to prayers. You were "chosen".
Yet, deep in your being and soul these are not the truths you feel. Something is not adding up and you learn to silence those ideas and questions because no one else is saying them or acknowledging them. Maybe one day as you grow up you decide you really want to answer some of the questions you have. You may have kids of your own and they begin to ask you about it. Maybe you begin to accept your way into the world and have a need to understand and to find your true identity. The one that has been kept silent.
You begin to search and are told, there is no information. You are actually told it is a secret. That how you got here and why is of no concern....and you are left in the dark to wonder. Just be grateful is the tune that plays over and over. You could have been......
This is the experience of thousands of adoptees in the US who are denied their information and their birth certificates. Some may say it is not a big deal because no one can change the past. Thing is, we are not trying to change our past, we just want to understand it, heal from it and embrace it.
So, on this Adoption Day 2015, my hope to all adoptees out there who wish to find their truth is they will have it soon. I have mine finally after of years of denial that I didn't need it and awakening of how much I really did. I was given the chance to own my life and my identity and I wish the same for all.
We cannot live in this time of information and deny anyone their right to their truth. No matter what it may be, it is theirs. I would like to see resources spent on getting counsel in place to help those who are going to take this path and I want to see support and understanding for things made right after an ignorant decision made so many years ago. There are so many out there looking for each other and what stands in the way is red tape that should have never been put up in the first place.
My other hope is that we stop telling mothers they are not good enough to raise their own children. I believe an orphan is a child who lost their parents due to death or an illness. I do not believe an orphan is a child chose parent was told their is someone out there who can do it so much better. You want to help that child? Then support that family or young Mom. Be a mentor, give a helping hand and help them to succeed. Tearing children from their roots is never an answer if there are other methods available to help.
I see more open adoptions and I am thankful people understand how important it is to keep the communication open and allow the child to know their truth. I think we have a long way to go though in terms of cracking down on an industry that profits on the insecurities of young Moms.
BTW, to the church, we are not a sin. We are human beings and if your really believe in God who does not make mistakes, it would make sense to believe in a God that saw life created and would find a way for that child with their natural mother or father if they chose to. If they were given the option to raise the child with guidance, support and love from those that surround them. Please stop telling people you can do it better. It really is wrong on so many levels.
For my fellow adoptees who live with the loss of your biological family, I am deeply sorry and I extend my hand to say, I will walk with you. It is our burden to carry and together we will heal at our own time, at our own pace and in our own way. Step one is the acknowledgement that what we feel is real.
The awakening is here and together we can tell our stories and learn more about who we are. My hope is we can pave the way for a better tomorrow for those who follow. We can't go backwards and fix what was broken for us, we can extend our love, empathy and hope for those ahead.
#adopteevoices I want to hear from you. Please post below and let me know your view, story and ideas.
Much love,
Bewildered Adoptee
No comments:
Post a Comment