I woke up the next morning and poured my usual cup of coffee. I was still smiling and feeling relieved this was not all a dream. I had finally found out who my birth mother was and had her picture sitting on my desk. I examined it a little longer wondering how she must have felt when she said good bye to me. Was she sad? Was she scared? Did she ever think of me? How did she die so young and what was her story.
I now knew she had been married later on and she had another daughter. I looked at the photos her daughter posted in remembrance and tried to imagine how she must have felt. I would never know. I suddenly got the idea to type in to the computer my mother's name and the word adoption.
My husband and daughter were in the living room watching morning tv. I looked back and saw the words I will never forget. It said my birth sister's name and the message below popped up. (I edited it for secure reasons)
(Her name) is a birth sibling looking for birth sibling. The adoptee was born in Pennsylvania in (year) on July (date). She was born in (city) in (name) County to a 16 year old birthmother.
I screamed and everyone came running out in the room. I yelled "She is looking for me! She knows I exist! She is looking for me! I am not a secret! "
I was crying and laughing and rolling on the ground. Everyone was so excited.
I could not get over that she was looking for me. I could not get over this post was out there for 5 years. I never found it on the registry because she had the birth date listed one day off. She also posted below the name of my birth mother. I knew this was all legit!
I had to find her! I was beyond words and this told me something so important. My birth mother did not forget about me and she was not ashamed of me. She actually remembered me and possibly looked for me. I was beyond words excited!
Once the initial shock wore down, I started to have another feeling. Fear. I became paralyzed in what to do next. While everyone was encouraging me to reach out and find her right away, I paused. I needed time to process this. It was all so much and believe it or not one of the only scenarios I had not imagined.
Now I knew I was not a secret and now I had to decide what to do next. I knew it was critical to slow down and process this.
I spent the day googling and trying to find more information about my birth sibling. I found the picture below on a pinterest account that had her name listed and it made me smile as the three things I love so much are the lighthouses, the moon and sailboats. I felt connected in the fact we had similar likes and interests. That felt so amazing.
I still needed some time. I needed to slow down. It had been less than 24 hours and so much had been revealed. It was time to pause and spend some time praying and reflecting. I wanted to make sure to proceed with caution and as always my heart went into protection mode. It was time to think.
