The past few weeks have been hard for me. I have had to process a lot of the stuff I really never wanted to. It was no fault of my own as I understand now, it is our nature to react to pain and trauma in certain ways. It is instinct of survival to find a way to escape when we experience danger or are threatened by the loss of our self. It may be physical or mental and it all ties together. For some of us, we have had multiple experiences of loss or threat to our very being.
I want to try and say what needs to be said and I hope I make sense. It is emotional to describe and not always easy to share.
When you shut down and pushed yourself away, it was for protection. When we sense we are in danger, the mind is very powerful and finds a way to cope. This may result in fright, flight or fright mode. You may have different degrees of it at different times and as I have discovered with myself, you may not even recognize it is happening. It becomes so part of our existence, we would fight the largest army on Earth to protect it. No kidding, it is that big. We need to find a way to learn to find the ground.
So, what I want to say is with help, time and understanding, this part of you that holds you back from living, I mean really living, not just surviving can be managed, understood and healed.
It is not an easy process and I would never mislead anyone down this fragile road without stressing how important it is to find a qualified and comfortable guide to head down this path. I had tried years ago and it was not a fit and maybe I also was not ready. I can't say for anyone else, I just hope and pray that anyone who is in this prison and wishes to be freed somehow will find what I have and get the chance to breathe and live.
After this post, I am going to start to share some of the methods, words, songs, books and ideas that have helped me stretch slowly into where I needed to go.
If you are reading this, where ever you are, I do not know you personally, but I can say with all honesty, I am sending you positive energy and great love as you walk this path and take the journey.
I encourage you to start seeking counsel and find a way to finally be you.
You deserve that. The recorder in our heads says we are not worth it and that we just need to be stronger or that we will be abandoned or betrayed anyway. Truth is the strength is in being vulnerable and letting yourself finally live the life you deserve to live. We can't change the past and we can only be in the present and find a way to be grounded in the here and now. The pain will always be there and until we process it in a healthy way it will rule our lives and everyone around us.
You are loved and I know you are worth it. There is an energy available to us all that once we examine and learn to embrace can make life worth living again...not surviving...living. The key is to block out what anyone else has ever said to you or fed you..listen to your self. LISTEN to that part of you that has known all along you are worth more than this. And if you are having a hard time finding it, look for the person you are who loves so much on others and turn it around to you. Look in a mirror and look at yourself as you see others. Give yourself the same mercy and grace...you really are amazing.
Peace.
I want to try and say what needs to be said and I hope I make sense. It is emotional to describe and not always easy to share.
When you shut down and pushed yourself away, it was for protection. When we sense we are in danger, the mind is very powerful and finds a way to cope. This may result in fright, flight or fright mode. You may have different degrees of it at different times and as I have discovered with myself, you may not even recognize it is happening. It becomes so part of our existence, we would fight the largest army on Earth to protect it. No kidding, it is that big. We need to find a way to learn to find the ground.
So, what I want to say is with help, time and understanding, this part of you that holds you back from living, I mean really living, not just surviving can be managed, understood and healed.
It is not an easy process and I would never mislead anyone down this fragile road without stressing how important it is to find a qualified and comfortable guide to head down this path. I had tried years ago and it was not a fit and maybe I also was not ready. I can't say for anyone else, I just hope and pray that anyone who is in this prison and wishes to be freed somehow will find what I have and get the chance to breathe and live.
After this post, I am going to start to share some of the methods, words, songs, books and ideas that have helped me stretch slowly into where I needed to go.
If you are reading this, where ever you are, I do not know you personally, but I can say with all honesty, I am sending you positive energy and great love as you walk this path and take the journey.
I encourage you to start seeking counsel and find a way to finally be you.
You deserve that. The recorder in our heads says we are not worth it and that we just need to be stronger or that we will be abandoned or betrayed anyway. Truth is the strength is in being vulnerable and letting yourself finally live the life you deserve to live. We can't change the past and we can only be in the present and find a way to be grounded in the here and now. The pain will always be there and until we process it in a healthy way it will rule our lives and everyone around us.
You are loved and I know you are worth it. There is an energy available to us all that once we examine and learn to embrace can make life worth living again...not surviving...living. The key is to block out what anyone else has ever said to you or fed you..listen to your self. LISTEN to that part of you that has known all along you are worth more than this. And if you are having a hard time finding it, look for the person you are who loves so much on others and turn it around to you. Look in a mirror and look at yourself as you see others. Give yourself the same mercy and grace...you really are amazing.
Peace.
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