I have been quite busy in the last 24 hours trying to manage and contain a million emotions! I am thankful to report that the on Friday everything in my world changed.
I would like to share how it all happened and the moments that led to an amazing discovery that forever changed the course of my life.
It was a beautiful spring morning, sun shining brightly into the windows and reminding me that today was a new day and another gift I had been given. My anxiety was high as it had been all week as I woke up wondering will this be the day? I quickly simmered the whistling kettle of my mind by saying a few prayers and finding focus on the day ahead. I had two important presentations to give and quite some travel to get to my destination.
Beginning with my morning routine, I searched for my trusty old purple cup and looked for the pot of brewed lead which would soon help me brighten my awareness of the day. Chatted with my hubby about the anticipation I had over the unfamiliar audience I had ahead of me but thankful for something so big to distract me from the constant chatter swimming in my head of what to do next for answers.
Kids were ready, everyone off for their day and I finished gathering my things and hit the road. I was off on a determined mission to reach others about the amazing program I found myself so fortunate to work for and to be a benefit of. In the car, GPS engaged and a long drive ahead. It was good time to spend share some thoughts with my God. I started to feel peace as I acknowledged the surrender of my control on things. I had other decisions pending and it seemed as if everything at once was tugging on my heart. The feelings of uncertainty began to dissipate and I had a strong sense of connection with my Savior and his assurance he was working on things I could not see and to let them unravel in his time.
I arrived and the parking lot was full. Anxiety tipped up a notch. Prayer helped as I gathered my courage and walked into the building and found a spot to sit. I looked at the agenda and knew when I was up. A kind gentleman next to me must have taken note of my jittery state as I counted my folders and counted the people. He asked "May I help you pass those out when you go up?" I felt some relief and thought how God stepped up once again to remind me, "I am here"
My turn arrived and when I got to the front of the room, my mouth felt like hundreds of cotton balls suddenly grew inside my mouth. I had no water and I knew I had to find some calm if I was going to pull this off. I could feel I was much more emotional that I had ever been at this junction of things but I let it lead me to speak about my story, my truth, my hope. I shared as I never had before and I could see the audience engaged and hanging on every word. I saw tears and I saw smiles and I saw nods of confirmation.
A man in the back of the room began to signal me to wrap things up. I found my footing and closed my presentation strong. When it was over the room filled with applause and the man sitting next to me gave me a few fist pumps and yelled, "Great job! Amazing!" I was comforted by many others who gave me reassuring smiles and a look of, thank you for being so real.
After the speakers concluded, I checked my phone. There was a message. "Please call me as soon as you can. Not an emergency but please call." I wondered if my husband lost track of something and needed my assistance. I thought nothing else of it. I began talking with others and appreciated their kind words about my presentation and what an impact the program will be to their families.
I made my way through the crowd lining up for lunch. I headed to the lobby and listened to my voicemail. I had a call I was waiting on which relieved some anxiety. My next goal was to reach my hubby and find out what he needed.
The call was intense and it began, "It is here. It arrived in the mail."
"Don't open it. Is it there? How do you know what it is? Oh my...."
"I won't open it."
"I can't believe it. I am so far away and can't come home until tonight/ Don't open it. I need to open it."
When I hung up the phone, I knew this was going to be one of the biggest days of my life. I knew this would change everything. It may or may not have the answers I was seeking but it was the next step.
I went back and gathered my things. I could not eat. I could not think. I thanked all for helping and meeting. I exchanged some business contacts and got out to my car. I was like a child on Christmas Eve. The anticipation was so overpowering.
GPS ready to go and I drove to my next important meeting. I was not sure how I would hold this together. Tears and laughter. Tears and laughter.
As I got further down the highway, I hit the button to put a call out to my husband. I had made a decision. "Hello"
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